Sunday, February 6, 2011

Super Bowl XLV - Some Out Of Game Statistics

The Dungarvan Diarist today came across some outrageous and staggering stats relating to tonight's Superbowl XLV and thought i'd present them to you in the form of a conversation between a Superbowl Advertising executive and a business potentially wanting to place a half time advert

"Hi, I'm Gloria your Super Bowl Ad Space Content Advisor, last year we had 106,500,000 viewers in the US who are dying to hear about your product, how can I help?"

"Wow Gloria, that's real impressive, tell me just how many bucks do I need to hand over for a half time ad?"

"A half time Super Bowl Special Placement Advertising Supercast would cost you just $3,000,000."

"Wow sounds impressive, do I get fries with that? Only kidding, how much airtime we talking?"

"For the duration of 30 seconds"

"Cough, OK maybe that's a non runner Gloria, that's almost 6.3 million sales of my product just to pay the ad costs, it's a beard mouse by the way, namely Brett's Pet, you know Brett Keisel defensive end of Pittsburgh his beard is 18cm long, grown it since June"

"Hope he doesn't lose it tonight against the Packer's 1560lb offensive line."

"Hey Gloria could we perhaps do something with the cheerleaders, involve the mice in the set?"

"I'm afraid Super Bowl XLV has no cheerleaders, The Packers and Steelers being two of six NFL Teams not to employ them."

"Ah jeez, I'm just gonna have to get into that game and throw around some pamphlets, any tickets left?"

"The entire ticket allocation has sold out, though our cheapest tickets were originally priced at $600 the average resale price is now $5,000 if you can find one."

"Thanks Gloria, i'm going get down there pretty late any parking nearby?"

"Yes of course, may I recommend a very practical lot that has it's own restrooms and is available for just $990."

"Cough. Yes you can Gloria but I ain't buying it, I wanna park in it."

Our poor business associate never makes it to the game, and drowns his sorrows with a few beers that together with all 325,000,000 gallons that will be drunk across the States tonight is enough to fill no less than 500 Olympic swimming pools.

For my part I'll be sitting in my living room here in Dungarvan County Waterford, maybe drinking enough beer to fill my goldfish's bowl, and ensuring the TV doesn't meander too far from the toilet.

Go Packers, Kuhn for MVP!

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