Monday, April 1, 2013

Anger As Dungarvan Gardai Issued With Skateboards

Emotions are running high amongst local Gards as they were informed yesterday they are to be at the forefront of new costcutting measures which include the use of skateboards as their primary mode of transport, the first trial of it's type in Ireland.

"Well the lads aren't taking it too well in all honesty" our source said whilst decked out in the navy chin strapped helmet and standard issue elbow and knee pads "It's quite dangerous, we've had a few nasty grazes and there's no cup holder for the coffee!"

The plan is to generate a more 'down with the kids' vision of the force amongst the younger section of the community and is hoped to be a great success, though during early training sessions it was proving a difficult new skill to learn for some

"72, no wait 75" said one when asked the amount of times she had fallen off "It's no joke I can tell ye. I've broke a nail and this helmet's playing havoc with my hair!"

The skateboard manufacturer informed us "These yokes are capable of upto 8mph and can be carried whilst walking into the garages for snacks and that! The local criminal element should be quaking in their boots, though I am developing a prototype that will do 10mph at a premium price if you know what I'm saying!"

Whilst practicing a switch flip another Gard was confident and looking forward to hitting the beat on the streets on his new wheels "Look it, the way I see it is like this. It could be worse they could have given us them segway yokes, they would have looked bleeding ridiculous!" and he happily pushed off beginning a new chapter for Irish Law Enforcement before hitting a small pebble and falling over a railing.

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